Fear or Time?

Truth is…..this is scary!  I know I can write a good letter, or so I’ve been told.  Letters have become outdated, so it’s been awhile.  In the last couple of years, I have written short notes on birthday cards to an aunt in Florida, sent a picture/note to a cousin prematurely living in a nursing home, and a couple of kairos letters to nieces and nephews going on a retreat with their high school peers. The kairos letters were definitely the hardest and took the most time to compose.

As a little girl, I wanted to play the piano.  My best friend took piano lessons, and I envied her.  She only had one sibling, so money wasn’t an issue.  When you are one of six, money (and piano lessons) are not as easy to come by. So I didn’t get piano lessons. While in college, I took a children’s music course, and had my first stab at piano lessons (sort of). I can remember the song I practiced to perfection, and more than that, I remember the feeling, a feeling of true contentment. I didn’t continue with lessons after that music course. Lack of time, I suppose. I bought a piano for my daughter and drove her to lessons, but even then, I didn’t take the time to get that feeling back. Time was even shorter.

I always dreamed of writing a book. I sat down a couple of times to attempt something, but never came up with much. Lack of time, again. Or that is what I tell myself. Just like those kairos letters and piano lessons, maybe it’s not time at all. Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough, a fear of being judged. or maybe it’s a fear of becoming addicted.   Fear or time, or both? I may find out soon….given time.

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11 thoughts on “Fear or Time?

  1. I vote fear. Lol. But really, though, it is scary. We are ALL scared to do this. But I think you’re really going to enjoy it, I do.
    I love this first piece so much. I love the way your thoughts journey from writing to the piano, back to writing, and how you tie it all in at the end. The ending is perfection.

  2. Don’t fear becoming addicted to writing. I don’t think anything negative can come out of that. If you’re addicted, you’ll write that book you were talking about.
    I was reading a student’s paper the other day and she was saying that she had fallen in love with her characters. I realized, as a result of her comment, that I had forgotten that I loved the characters in my book. I still do, but I’ve neglected them. Not to say that I haven’t had good reason (family, school, grad school…) but still. Addiction will get it done. I have to get addicted again!

  3. Wow! You are really a writer, so much of what you said is how I feel. We have to carve or make time for those things we love and are wanting to do, even if we don’t believe we can. Good luck to us on our month long endeavor. They say it takes 21 days to develop a habit, I am hoping this becomes a habit for me.

  4. I agree with Dana; we all fear and wonder if anyone will comment or if I will remember to post every day. This will be my third year joining the challenge, and it has definitely been worth it! Welcome to the community of slicers!

  5. Isn’t it amazing how similar we are as humans? We get stopped up by fear…..it may be disguised as a lack of time, money, etc. but so often it’s just plain old fear. Your slice is beautiful. Dreams are made for fulfilling. Go for it!!!!! Welcome to our slicing community. This is the place you can write about and eventually act on reaching those goals!

  6. Welcome and what a great first slice. I began this journey several years ago (this will be my 3rd SOLSC) when my daughter challenged me to join this community of writers. I was very apprehensive and didn’t think anyone would care what I wrote about – WRONG. The comments and support make every slice worthwhile. We’ve all been there at some point – the 1st slice and we have all come away with so much. Looking forward to reading more of your slices.

  7. You are such a letter-lover but it is that genuine care and appreciation you have for people that it makes total sense. Fear schmear we do all have to work on it! I’m so glad you’re in this too and I also can’t wait to read your first book!

  8. Lynn, Welcome! I’m so excited that you’ve joined this journey. This piece is so honest. It makes me think. I can recall saying “I won’t have enough time.” I think I really should be saying “I’m afraid.” So much to think about…thank you!

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